2) Information about the family system, entanglements and hidden loyalties
About the “Orders of Love”
The “Orders of Love” are natural laws that operate in systems and human relationships (not only in the family system, but we can experience their existence in every system).
These orders, when respected, allow for the flow of love or let’s say harmony within the respective system.
When not respected, and this happens mostly on an unconscious level, as a consequence we have an imbalance in the system with all kind of consequences and issues for the members of the system.
Please find below the “Orders of Love” and more information by simply clicking on the pictures
Would you like to know how we are connected in a family system and what hidden loyalties and entanglements are?
Read the information below
We all belong to a family system
Did you ever imagine that if only one of your ancestors would not have been there or would have been only slightly different from how he/she was – you would not exist as the person you are?
Only by becoming aware of this a certain kind of gratitude would be natural to arise, right?
But sometimes it is really hard to be thankful – especially when we had a difficult childhood and we still live in an attitude of judgement, lack and rejection.
However, we may like it or not, we are all part of our family and we cannot choose another one. This family is made of women and men who all had their destinies and unresolved issues. Women and men who lived their lives in joy or in pain, in lack or in abundance, in love or in hate, in solitude or in a relationship.
And like us, all of them wanted only one thing – to be seen, to be loved and to be accepted within their family. And like us, some of them succeeded and some of them didn’t. And like us, some of them did “good” and some of them did “bad”. So who is the one to judge?
What would happen, if we changed our perspective of what we do not like in our family system? If we understood and accepted that things (especially the past) cannot be changed, as much as we try? If we were ready to accept things as they were and are?
Couldn’t it be that we discovered a big treasure buried under the bricks and stones and that we were able to see and acknowledge the huge potential that could provide a sound basis for our future lives – provided we were ready to step on it?
If we reject our parents and ancestors, we deprive ourselves of accessing the strength and power flowing through generations on an energetic level. Can you imagine removing the most important roots of a large tree? Will this tree remain upright? Will it bloom and thrive?
We do not have to love our parents or ancestors – some incidents may have been so bad to make this impossible. But we can honour their lives and their destinies, especially when we experience their own hidden loyalties and entanglements in a constellation.
Only when our ancestors have a place we feel complete. Only when we can give others a place in our heart we are free – independently of what happened. Otherwise we will be trapped in the entanglement or the hidden loyalty. Acceptance and acknowledgement leads to peace and healing.
Entanglements and hidden loyalties
Entanglements and hidden loyalties are unconscious connections, ties and bonds that link us to the fates of our family members and ancestors due to their unresolved issues from the past. They block the energetic flow of love and harmony and hinder us from living our lives in a free and authentic way.
This happens when we have an imbalance in the family system. What creates imbalance are serious incidents, heavy fates, someone who died early, has had a heavy fate, has been ill, a victim or a perpetrator, someone who may have accumulated guilt, excluded family members, etc.. Everything that endangers the wholeness of the family system, because someone does not want it to happen, does not want to look at it, does not want to accept what happened, because it was shameful, denied, displaced, not given a place or excluded. And what is excluded seeks a balance through the mechanism in the family system which we call “blind conscience”. It’s blind because it does not do anything else, it’s a pure mechanism trying to restore that balance.
Through this mechanism, the baton is passed on to a later born, who unconsciously declares to take care of counter this imbalance by developing a symptom. The symptom speaks in the symptom language of what has not been seen, has not been given a place and the symptom is now an artificial attempt of bringing the system back into balance. This symptom could be anything – from a disease to disorders, unhappy relationships, childlessness, misfortune and all the palette of life issues known to us so very well.
Of course such a symptom is not a positive thing, and does not really solve the issue. It has to be balanced again in the next generation and so on. It does not result in any real healing since it happens on an unconscious level. We could say that deep in our unconscious we are remote-controlled by this blind conscience, like an inner computer program that takes us into duty and produces the symptom.
But thankfully there is also – and after all that‘s the meaning of life – a balance in the positive sense. And the step from the unconsciously “taking over the baton” into the positive is to take a step into consciousness. This means that I have to consciously approve of life looking into the face of my family’s or the world’s fate in general, accepting it as it is and being present without judgment, giving it a place and consciously taking my life.
On this conscious level what had not been seen can be given a place, what had been excluded can be included again, what had been judged can be looked at with compassion and understanding. When this happens the need for the symptom to create the balance literally falls away, it can then become less or even dissolve.
There is a beautiful solution sentence that can be used in constellations to help someone move from the unconscious to the conscious. It goes like this: “I am now going into my own life, into my health, into my fulfillment, into my success and there I make something good out of it, also in your honor and in your memory” (addressing the former ancestor, who lived that fate)!
When honouring an ancestor is performed with respect and honesty, it becomes clear that balancing in the negative will not help anyone, but that it is much more helpful to bring something positive into the world, to approve of the world and of life, and to make a contribution to it, to accept and take the life as it is, in the face of the fates that have been.
Then something positive is born into the world and I have made a step, a step of growth. I have accepted something, I have chosen reconciliation, I have opened my heart to what didn’t have a place and now it can heal and I can heal and grow.
Sometimes guilt still plays a role here. If I want to make this step from the unconscious to the conscious – on this threshold that separates these energy levels – feelings of guilt can be natural. It can feel like betraying someone if I move on toward the positive, if I don’t carry their burden any more or share their fate. But the very moment I realize that I’m only interfering in someone else’s fate without really creating a positive impact, I can go right through these feelings of guilt towards myself and start to consciously shaping my life, now moving in a positive direction.
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