Dear ,
This newsletter was supposed to have a different topic – but the words would not come and I got stuck and honestly a bit frustrated.
But then, yesterday, on my early morning walk, I suddenly realized that there was something else that wanted to show up and be written about – TRANSITION.
As at the moment I am in such a process of transition - there couldn't be a better time to write about it.
Transitions are processes or periods that mark a substantial change in one’s life.
Some are due to natural changes. Examples are the transition from child to teenager and to adult, from woman to wife and mother or from man to husband and father, the transition we undergo during menopause (not only for women), from work life to retirement, and finally the transition from life to death.
Others are chosen, like changing a job, a city or a country.
But no matter if natural or voluntary – in our modern life we have forgotten that transitions are not only processes of significant external change, but they touch us on a deep existential level.
In ancient times there were rituals and ceremonies to support people in phases of transition. Today we are used to rush, to meet deadlines, to make quick changes. We expect things to just go on and we expect ourselves to function as usual. The truth is that often we don’t even realize any more these times of transition.
Transitions can trigger old patterns and old wounds and traumas.
Transitions can make us feel vulnerable and can bring up deep hidden existential fears.
If we are not aware of being in a process of transition, we might start questioning and doubt ourselves. We might ask too much from ourselves – or others. We might not understand why we don’t get where we want to be, why we don’t reach what we want to reach, why we don’t feel what we want to feel (or why we feel what we don’t want to feel) – and finally we might end up in a depression or a burn out.
While we are in the process of a transition it can feel like losing our identity. We are still the same person, and yet we have to redefine ourselves in relation to a new role, new responsibilities, new people, new surroundings, new tasks and more.
If we hold on to our old “Self”, if we want the past back, we get stuck in this impossible endeavor. If we have a fixed idea of how things should be, we might end up in frustration and despair.
So what supports us in times of transitions? The most important three aspects for me always are the following.
TIME: Being aware that a transition takes time and that the more we rush, the harder it will be. Giving enough time to what wants to show up creates also the necessary space for the “un-folding” of something new.
PATIENCE: Being patient with ourselves. Understanding that we are not able to “function” as usual during these times and giving ourselves the permission to be “imperfect”, we take a lot of pressure out of the situation. This leads to inner peace and acceptance – a powerful inner state where a beautiful seed of the unknown “new” starts to grow.
But also being patient with others. When we undergo changes and don’t recognize ourselves any more – how should others? When we don’t know how to handle ourselves in this situation – how should others? Patience helps us to not take things too personal.
COMPASSION: Being compassionate with ourselves allows us to reconnect with our inner core, to see and feel what it is going through. What has been triggered and reactivated through the change? Compassion means listening to ourselves, being there for ourselves, allowing ourselves to grieve and mourn, taking our fears and worries seriously. And – if we cannot handle the situation on our own, admit that we need support from someone else.
TIME – PATIENCE – COMPASSION: these are the three supportive aspects in times of transition.
In this month and year, as I am writing this newsletter, besides our own personal transition processes, the whole world, too, feels to be in a deep process of transition. This can additionally create insecurity, fear, depression, frustration and even panic.
We all feel that something has changed but we don’t know where all this will lead to.
Please give yourself and each other time. Go through this change with patience and compassion – especially for one another.
My wish for you today is that all your transitions may go smoothly and be a source of growth, wisdom and love.
Have a beautiful month of August in the spirit of love and reconciliation
Ursula
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